We're doing the best we can.

My heart has been heavy for too long. It's almost like my heart hasn't had a break for years. I feel much older than my actual age with the journey I have walked. Through it all, I feel like I lost a part of me that I will never get back. The beautiful part of my journey is gaining new friends who have walked similar paths as I have. The truth is the only people who can comfort you in your sorrows are the ones who understand. When your in the grief process the only people you want to talk to are the ones going through pain themselves. There is a special bond that no one else can understand unless you walked the path of infertility or trying to grow a family unsuccessfully. I think of it as a sisterhood really.

Along with the grief you share with your own story, you take on your friends stories as well. You become their cheerleader, defender, shoulder to cry on and everything else in between. When they call and tell you they're pregnant you rejoice with them. When they call and tell you there is complications you pray like you never prayed before. When they call and tell you they lost the baby your pissed. You yell and scream at God like it was your own. You understand the hurt they are going through all over again and your heart hurts for them.

When they call and tell you they were picked by a birth mom you scramble and plan a baby shower because well why else? Because they need baby stuff! When you see them in person beaming ear to ear over their new bundle of joy, you feel warm inside for their happiness. When they call and tell you the mom changed her mind, you go silent and start the grief process all over again.

Again, these are the feelings I go through just for my friends walking the same journey. On top of it I have my own story. I feel like i'm constantly cheering, praying, pleading and screaming. When we will get a break? I don't understand why it has to be so hard for some of us? Why do some have years of pain, uncertainty and failure, while others seem to ease right along? Why do people who don't even want children have them at the most inopportune times but families trying and trying to grow their family have to wait for what seems to be a lifetime? Why does a family like mine, who has a fully equipped nursery and all the resources and support to raise a child, have an empty crib?

I know none of you reading this can answer these questions but it can't hurt to write them out, right? I really hope my friends and I will see the light at the end of the tunnel sooner than later. I pray God will re-energize our hearts so we can smile again and feel alive again. I think many of us are feeling pretty numb right now. It's our only line of defense to not constantly feel the pain.

If you're not someone who has walked this journey consider yourself lucky! The best way you can support us is to cheer with us, pray for us and cry with us when needed. Sometimes we won't respond to your texts and calls. We might not come to your baby showers or jump for joy at the announcement of your pregnancy but it doesn't mean we don't love you, just remember our hearts are heavy as we walk this journey. We're doing the best we can.

Carissa <3 Kristy <3 Chelsea <3 Amber <3 Kristen <3 Jess <3 I'm these girls biggest cheerleaders!