Broken

So here we are again. Three years later and we're once again grieving the lost of a child. Nothing can possibly prepare you for times like these. No amount of faith or support can take away the pain. I know we only spent three days with him, but we held him, loved him and we were prepared to bring him into our family. I know there is another side to the story which we cannot understand but I'm still furious, angry, bitter and downright mad.

If you haven't moved through the adoption process it's hard to explain all the ins and outs of the journey. One thing that is constantly drilled into your brain is to be mindful of the birth mom and her journey. Don't get me wrong, I understand how hard it is to let go of a child and continue doing life but I think there should be more talk about also being mindful of adoptive parents journeys. I can't speak for all adoptive parents but the ones I've encountered all had very long journey's full of heart ache and disappointment.

People like Chad and I. People who lost children of their own. People who could never conceive. People who miscarried more times than they can count on their fingers. Most of these people have gone into significant debt to have people toy around with their emotions and who put a price on having a family.

So when we talk about the adoption journey let's not forget about the other half. The people who are driving home after their hearts were exploding of excited only a few short days ago and who are now weeping because it's been snatched away from them. We trusted our birth mom. She assured us she would not change her mind. She felt confident we were his parents. But something changed. I could feel it. And I'm hurt because Chad and I opened our hearts, included her in the process and agreed to an open adoption but look where it got us.
My faith has dwindled and I'm starting to lose hope if God and in growing my family. One thing is for sure, I know I can't handle another blow like this.