The average age of death for woman in the United States is 81. That means I'm just about half way there. Kind of depressing but also inspiring. I have 45 more years to make a difference, learn new things and better myself. This blog is intended to follow up from my last blog in January. I mentioned I've been doing a lot of soul searching in my 36th year. Including figuring out what I want to do with my life, both with work and personally. I'm not going to pretend I figured it all out but there has been some progression!
If you're someone close to me or follow my social media feed you may have whiplash from my life choices. Heck I do! I used to feel incredibly insecure about my job changes, educational changes and any change that included Cali but I've overcome that. I've learned that I don't need everyone else's approval to feel good about a decision I made for my life. I've learned I'm a team with my husband and he is a great sounding board when it comes to big decisions. On a good day, I really appreciate the 5 (enneagram talk) in him! He never makes a rash decision, and gathers all the facts to be the most informed.
I'm a feeler. I make decision with my gut, I move quickly, I don't always stop to the process. God certainly knew what he was doing when he brought Chad and I together. I see that more than ever in the last few years.
Since September I have been subbing for the IU13 working with students with different abilities. Fun fact, this was also my first job immediately graduating from High School up to when I married Chad. When I started subbing again, I wasn't exactly excited but I knew it was a flexible gig that paid decent. I felt like I was taking a step back considering I did this when I was 19 years old. This winter I had the opportunity to sub in a High School emotional support classroom several times. I quickly connected with the students and classroom staff. I started coming home sharing all the funny stories from my day and talking about special conversations I had with some of the more challenging students. Chad and Cali could both see a light in me that I couldn't see. I continue to apply and interview for administrative positions that paid well and offered our family security.
One day Chad and I had a conversation after another job offer that I just wasn't feel great about and he said "you know, I think when you worked in youth ministry, you were your happiest." I stopped to think about it. I was a Director of Youth Ministry for almost 4 years. Towards the end of my time, Camden was born and died. After stepping down from that role, I did the stay at home mom thing, worked part time jobs that worked well for the family and never revisited that field. I guess it brings back really happy and really traumatic memories.
But I remember loving my connections with the students. I still love seeing them grow up, get married and starting families of their own. I even attend a wedding or two! Teenagers have such a fun spirit about them. Sure they can be little punks sometimes, but who isn't? The teenage years are so formative and it's an honor as an adult to get to walk alongside a student through that.
This discovery prompted me to apply to a full time position at the IU 13 as a job trainer who works with high school students find their footing in the workforce. I was offered the job and for the first time in years, I confidently said "yes" knowing this is where God has intended me to be! I will get the opportunity to guide students through the resume writing, interviewing (something I have lots of experience in) and teaching them appropriate work ethic and behavior. I'm excited to be back working with teenagers, knowing it's something I'm gifted at and have passion for.
Life is coming full circle, working for the IU again. To all of you out there searching, it took me 36 years for someone else to see what I couldn't see. It took me a handful of jobs to discover what works and what doesn't. It took me years of feeling crappy at something to guide me back to what I'm gifted in.
It takes time and trial error to figure it out. Don't rush it. God's timing is impeccable.
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