Sharing is Daring

So I'm gearing up for the annual Facebook posts about how awful 2016 was and the hopes for a brighter and better 2017. While I have had my fair share of awful years, I'm happy to say this was not one of them. If fact this is one of the best years I've had in a very long time. I can't really attribute it to one particular thing but several small things. No luck was involved. Just a great year, great attitude, great connections and a great God. Where do I start...Well I guess I will start where I hope all of us would find our greatest success, in our relationships. This year I have formed some of the closest friendships I have ever had. I have connected with a few woman and their families the way I have always dreamed of. Although we range in age, we somehow make it work! Our kids love being together as much as we do. We have supported each other through moves, surgeries, and family problems. We have formed a small community of support. It truly is beautiful and I thank...

Now that the election is over, we gear up for a new presidency and look towards the future. Although I personally was not pleased with the outcome, there is nothing I can do to change what has been decided. My entire life my parents continued to tell me "do not stress over what you cannot control." As I shared last month, I was scared and unsure of our future as a country. I laid awake wondering where we go from here. It's a month later and I can say i'm in a better place. Not because anything changed in my favor or because I now agree with the outcome...but because I realized the power I hold as an individual and the changes I can make personally to make this world a better place. I have really good news! I, Julie, can say and SHOW how I want to treat others, rather than modeling what I see on TV or hear in the news. I can control how I act and speak of others around me. I may not be able to change the laws but I can change the tone. I may not be on the news or h...

I'm trying my hardest to keep it together but my emotions are running through me right now. I feel so much. I feel like I can only talk to a few select people who will allow me to vent and truly be myself with out judging me for what I believe. I have spend the last 10 years of my life as an in the closet Democrat. While I hinted about some of my opinions on social media and engaged in political debates with fellow christian friends, I was never courageous enough to come out and say I'm a christian who votes democrat. Mainly because I live in a super conservative area where politics and religion go hand in hand. Which I find deeply confusing. As you can imagine when my husband woke me up at 3 am Wednesday morning to tell me Donald Trump had won I was in awe wondering if this was a bad dream. I could not sleep for the rest of the night. So many things were running through my mind. What will life be like for our future adoptive child if they are a different race in a Trump run...

If you're in hopes for a great political blog post from the title, I'm sorry to disappoint you. This has nothing to do with politics. It has everything to do with the personal freedom I have gained through releasing guilt, negativity and anger from my life. When I look back at who I was just a few short years ago, I cringe. I was so caught up in pleasing everyone around me that I made myself miserable in the process. I was constantly in a state of being uncomfortable because I was never truly being myself. It wasn't until February 25th, 2014 I was able to recognize this. For those of you who have experienced a significant loss in your life, I'm sure can agree, it changes you. I can't tell you how but it changes you. It just does. I was so emotionally distraught the months after Camden's death I didn't have the energy or desire to pretend to be someone I was not. My heart agonized and I'm sure it showed. I could burst into tears in conversation, I got an...

Yesterday during church I was reminded of a child hood memory that made me chuckle. Our pastor was reminiscing over having to sit at the kids table at holiday gatherings. I could relate. Having a large extended family, many times there were several "kids" tables set up. Most times it was a flimsy card table that wobbled when you moved. I'm sure my cousins Emily, Kayla and Rebecca can remember the many meals we shared at the "kids" table. I was always so offended that I had to sit at the little table in the other room far away from the older kids and parents. But the funny part is we now make Cali and her cousins and friends sit at the kids table. It's a right of passage when you think about it. Everyone has to take a turn. But oddly enough looking back, I'm grateful I had those experiences. I had the opportunity to sit with my cousins, share a meal and enjoy each others company...unattended :) I don't get to see them much anymore but I can look back ...

Dear Camden, It's hard to believe it's your third birthday. Time keeps moving on. Our lives are so different now then it was only a few short years ago. It feels like just yesterday I was calling Daddy during the middle of the night on August 22nd, 2013, trying to pass time because I couldn't sleep. Daddy was driving his truck and I was lying in bed trying to ignore the fact that you were trying to kick your way out of me. I never went in to labor with your sister so I wasn't sure I was really ready to go the hospital. I didn't want to be the Mom who goes in to only get sent back home again. So I waited and waited some more. But your Daddy had this sneaking suspicion I was going to have you that day and he advised me to call Mammaw and Nana to come help me. So I did just that. Mamma came before the sun and drove me to the hospital. Nana stayed at home with Cali so she could keep sleeping. While driving in the car my mom could see I was having very close contractio...

Chad and I have had many questions in the past three years. They range from... Should we paint Camden's room blue or green? Should I work or stay home? Should we cremate or bury Camden? Do you think Cali needs play therapy? What should we do with Camden's stuff? Should we have more kids? What if we can't get pregnant? Why isn't IVF working? Should we look into adoption? Do we want to keep asking people for more money? How will this effect Cali? That is a small glimpse into our lives the past couple of years. Many of you reading this know our story so I don't feel like I need to go into great detail. Our journey to start a family has gone very differently than expected. It started out like many of you. We had a beautiful Daughter Cali. She stole our hearts. Shortly after, we got pregnant and had our second child, Camden. He equally stole our hearts but in a very different way. At 6 months old Camden died of SIDS. This is when our story starts to look d...

So let me paint a picture for you. Probably a picture many of you have seen in your personal lives. It was a hot and humid Saturday afternoon. The kind of day where you want to stick you head in the freezer while drinking a slushy and watch Frozen. But unfortunately things had to be done, so there was no time for sticking my head in the freezer. Chad was working an extra Saturday to make money for the family so it was just me and the little one. I knew I had to go grocery shopping but I was dreading it. Between the heat outside, an over tired 5 year old and a mamma who could barely walk from her personal training session the day before, I knew this couldn’t end well. But it had to be done, so I put on my big girl pants and went grocery shopping. We stopped at our usual place, Target. For the most part the shopping trip went better than expected. It wasn’t until the end of our Target experience that my blood started to boil and I was on edge. While walking out to the entire other end o...

On Sunday Chad, Cali and I were taking time to remember Camden by attending a ceremony honoring him and many other babies who died all too soon. Camden has a plaque honoring the short life he lived at The Garden of Hope memorial in Intercourse. Each year they conduct a service for families and loved ones to come and remember their child or children through a balloon release and name reading. This year the weather couldn't have been more beautiful. The sun was shinning, while a strong breeze blew through the open windows of the rustic barn where we gathered. The countryside was picturesque, with rolling hills and farmland for miles. While we sat and waited for the ceremony to begin, two young adult woman serenaded us with simple acoustic music. Tissues in hand, Chad by my side, I was ready to grieve the loss of Camden. But something odd happened. I began to cry but not about my own loss. You see on the same day we were remembering Camden's life, 49 other people lost their li...

It's been awhile. The past year has been a year of emotionally exausting challenges that I had to work hard to over come. While I would like to say I conquered last year with grace and strength, I can't. I fell hard many times. And if it wasn't for my amazingly supportive husband, I'm not sure I would have made it out as well as I did. I struggle with anxiety. It sounds so small when you say it like that. But anxiety is no small thing. It can consume your life and affect everyone close to you. Just ask Chad. And on a more personal level I struggled with health anxiety. When your son dies for no reason at all, it makes you scared of everything. For a while I had a fear anyone could die at any moment. Which is true but not rational. In the past year I was engrossed with negative thoughts about my health. A rapid heart beat I thought must be a heart attack. A small lump on my body....cancer. Head aches must mean a tumor. I spent more time in a doctors office then I...