We're in this together.

My desire to write about my feelings during this pandemic has been nagging at me since day one but I wasn't sure how I wanted to come across. I didn't want to be the Debbie Downer and add to the mass hysteria with more negative talk and anxious feelings. I also didn't want to be too light-hearted about the whole situation because I know it's very serious. 

As I sit here this Sunday morning missing yet another church service with my faith community I struggle to put into words where my heart is at. For those enneagram lovers out there, I'm a textbook 7 with a 6 wing. What does this mean when it comes to social distancing and quarantine? Simply put, I'm struggling. My whole being thrives from human interaction and excitement. I'm always looking towards the future for the next exciting thing and I hate when I have no control. So basically when you're thinking about the worst person to be cooped up in their house with no control and no future to look towards, it would be me. 

Don't get me wrong, there have been some pretty great moments during our 16 days of social distancing. We have played more games than I can count, finished two 1000 piece puzzles, participated in Home Church via Zoom and I've seen Cali play outside more in the past two weeks than maybe in her lifetime. I can see why slowing down is good for the soul. But I can't help but think about God's purpose of putting us on this earth together. God created Adam and Eve TOGETHER so they would not be alone. Our whole human existence was based on not being alone.

Now I know most of us are not alone. We are with our loved ones day in and day out but we are missing our social networks. Co-workers, church family, extended family, and friends. I have experienced grief over the past two weeks, a similar feeling to what I experienced a few years back when Camden died. I feel like I have lost a part of me during this time. We have no idea how long this will go on and I wonder if I will be forever changed from this. Just like I can remember every detail from 9/11 and the day Camden died, I believe I will remember the Coronavirus. The fear it instilled in me. The precious time it took away from my life and community. And the time I questioned if I can really trust the people in power. Do they really have our best interests at heart? These are questions I may never find answers to but they are worth the time to consider during such an uncertain moment in time. 

Even with all of this uncertainty, I have seen some amazing things that have put my faith in humanity again. I have seen younger neighbors checking on older neighbors and asking to be their errand-runner. I have seen singers go to hospitals and sing outside of windows for people who are sick. I have seen coaches and teachers drive in makeshift parades through local neighborhoods. I have seen parents put together Zoom class meetings for their kids to see one another. I have seen churches offer online worship time for those who are hurting. I have seen people stay home, not for themself but for their elderly parents and neighbors. I have seen doctors and nurses quarantine themselves from their families for weeks so they don't make their loved ones sick. I have seen Governors make tough decisions for their states in order to keep everyone safe. 

This is not easy but we are doing good. We as humankind are doing good. It's okay to admit this isn't always fun, that our family is driving us crazy or that you just want to go to Starbucks for a latte and mindlessly shop through Target (but you won't of course). Let's be real, this is hard but we have each other. We will make it through this. Keep checking on one another. Pray for one another and be a good person. Stay home.