As it should be.

As we approach the 6 year anniversary of Camden's death, I have been spending a lot of time in reflection. We have spent the past several years focused on growing our family and ultimately becoming a family of 4 again as it was always intended. First we attempted IVF. With no success adoption was the next plan but when that proved to be a dead end, we thought Foster Care would be a great way to welcome a child into our family, even if it were only temporary. We were given the chance right before Christmas. There was another child in our home for the first time in 6 years! I wish I could tell you an amazing redemption story about how this child was the missing link in our family but I can't. Those were some of the hardest days and we quickly realized this wasn't going to work out.

I know we don't owe anyone an explanation of our family decisions but sometimes this feels like the best way to get the word out. Together, we have decided not to purse growing our family any longer. We realized through the most recent events that we love and appreciate our small little family as it is. My worries of Cali being an only sibling have subsided and I now see what a gift it is that Cali has two loving parents who are there for her all the time. She has been through a lot in 8 years, including a very traumatic event. Perhaps our focus needs to be on her and her only.

I try not live my life with regrets, so I will not dwell on the fact that we invested so much time, money and energy into something that never panned out. We appreciate all the love and support each and everyone of you have given us. It will never go unnoticed. If anything we have learned through this journey that we have a solid support system. We have had people make us meals, supported us financially, prayed for us, loved on Cali and walked along side of us. I have had many tearful nights but I knew I was never alone.

We have decided to share this with you for a few reasons. First, We can avoid answering the same questions over and over again from our friends and family. Many of you saw us with our foster daughter and wonder where she is. She is in a new placement with a great seasoned foster family. Second, please don't feel sad for us. I think all the closed doors was God trying to tell us something but we refused to listen. In the end we had to let go of the control and when we did we had a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. I told Chad recently I feel so at peace. This is something I haven't experience in years. As we have started packing away all the baby things in our house, I shed no tears. It feels right.

We're very optimistic about the future and where things are going. Cali is doing great! She is half way through 3rd grade, loving cheer and spending time with friends and cousins who are like brothers and sisters to her. Chad is dispatch manager at BRT, INC and enjoying his hobby of woodworking. I started a professional organizing business last year and I'm SO excited about where it's headed. We have great friends, a loving church and a supportive family. What more could we ask for?