So to give you a little picture into our world right now, I thought I would explain the process to you a bit. After completing our three mandatory educational classes, formal application and home study with Bethany Christian Services we were officially approved. That whole process took about 8 months. During this time we began fundraising, which is essential since the total bill of a domestic (USA) infant adoption costs in between $30,000-$40,000. January 31st of 2017 we were place on the adoption waiting list. This list in complied of other waiting families just like us who have been approved. Each family is asked to create a personal Profile book (Photo Book) which goes into detail about your family, extended family, where you live and what you like to do in your free time. These profile books will be what birth parents receive when deciding who they want as their child's adoptive parents.
Once on the waiting list you will receive situations (birth parents making adoption plans for their child) via a personal portal through Bethany. Most situations are infants but occasionally an older child situation will come through. Even if they're older it still costs the same amount of money and it's not consider foster care because the mother is choosing to make an adoption plan, rather than the state getting involved and removing a child from their home.
Once we review the situation which is a word document with all the details of the situation, if you and your spouse feel comfortable moving forward you write back asking the staff at Bethany to present your profile book to the birth parents, along with other families profile books. This is where it gets hard.
I will tell you from personal experience each situation we receive is NEVER "normal." There is always a unique part to each story that can make some families uncomfortable, which could make certain families not want to purse that particular situation. You have to decided are you ok which a child that was exposed to drugs or alcohol in the womb? Are you ok with a child who's biological parents are mentally ill or who have HIV? If they're older, are you ok which a child who has been exposed to violence, abuse or neglect? Are you ok with a child who may be physically disabled after birth? Are you ok with a baby of a different race? Do you want to have an open or closed adoption? Are you ok with a sibling group? The list goes on and on!
After we put our profile book in we wait. Bethany asks we give them and the birth parents three weeks to review profiles. If it goes past three weeks, we can contact our social worker and ask for an update. Once a family has been identified we will receive an email via our online portal letting us know a family has been matched for that particular situation.
Thus far this year we have been presented with 15 situations. We were picked for one which fell through. In the adoption word this is call a "disturbance." So 14 situations came through, we turned down two for various reasons, which leaves us with 12 birth parents who didn't pick us as their child's adoptive parents. As I mentioned before, it's hard not to take it personally.
After all that being said the most difficult part of this process for me would have to be remembering that beyond those words, there is a child worth loving. Amongst all the scary possibilities of who you could bring into your home, there is a child who deserves a chance. Who deserves love. Who deserves the world.
I recently read a quote that said "Don't let your fear of what could happen, make nothing happen."
This is a very scary, unnerving process, but I know everything we want is on the other side of those papers. Chad and I grab each other's hands each time and jump off the edge together, praying we land on both feet.
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