This has been on my mind a lot because Cali recently started participating in organized sports. And while I would like to think Cali is amazing at soccer and one day she may be a member of the Olympic Woman’s soccer team (which she may be, who knows) I have to remember that being an amazing athlete can only takes you so far in life.
Coaching 4, 5 & 6 years old was eye opening for me. Much too my surprise the are crazy sideline parents even at this age. If I’m being honest I felt myself falling into that category a few times. When you see your child score a goal, you hope the whole world saw it. You’re proud and start planning their future as a devoted soccer player with tons of trophy’s and medals hanging in their bedroom. But it’s at those moments I have to stop and consider what I’m going to say to Cali when she runs to me in excitement after her great success. Do I say “great job! YOU did great!” Or do I say “way to be a team player. Everyone passed the ball so well for you to be able to score that goal.”
Is scoring the goal more important or is working on a team more important? Well I think we all know what society would tell our children, which I find incredibly disappointing, especially when these children are most likely to grow up to be “average” adults but expecting the super star treatment.
As our season came to an end last week, I decided to give out awards to each one of our players. Don’t worry not participation awards but I thought long and hard about good qualities each player used during our season. Some of those awards were; Most determined, Best Team Player, Most improved and most dedicated. I wanted them know they did more than just score goals and win games, they worked hard. And because of that hard work they had a successful season.
I know all this may sound cliche but I think as parents it’s always a good reminder. I know it’s very easy to get caught up in making our child the best at something. But is being the best really that important. From what I’ve observed, being on the top can be very lonely. Being a rock star can bring temporary happiness. Being an amazing athlete can be incredibly rewarding when you’re young but what happens when you graduate and get older
I remember reading in the news a few years back about the academic- athlete scandal at North Carolina University. In short, professors were passing student athletes through their classes so they could continue playing for the college. Some of these students were still at an elementary reading level. The one professor who finally stepped up and brought light to the scandal was basically shunned by the school, received death threats and was called a liar. All in the name of “being the best.” How were the adults in these students’ lives preparing them for life after college? They failed these students, for what? A national championship? A banner hung at the school? And for what cost? A students chance to learn, work hard and to be honest.
We can no longer allow society to make moral calls for our children. Currently our society says be the best, be on top no matter what the cost. No matter whom you hurt, even if you need to lie. I’m here to tell you being the best is over rated. Being a great person with dignity and compassion will get you much farther in life.
I pray Cali will excel at something she loves but I also pray she will excel at being the best person she can possibly be, regardless of how popular it makes her.
What makes you who you are? What are your best qualities? What makes you special?
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