It was a few weeks ago I realized this past June marked 10 years since I graduated high school. Whoa! It seemed like only yesterday I was picking out my prom dress and crossing my fingers a cute boy would ask me to be his date! That last sentence can give you a good idea of where my head was when I was in high school. My social life was thriving but my academics were failing. I have this bizarre feeling when I think about my high school experience. It's a mixture of good and bad.
Some of my highlights were intertwined with youth group, marching band, soccer & my friendships. Late night sleep overs, first kisses, making movies, singing on worship team, retreats, campfires, missions trips, band bus rides and crushes are some memories that can make me smile.
When I think about all the sour memories, each and every one revolved around academics. I remember having to take the basic classes with the "bad kids" and take my word for it. Not much learning occurred in these classes. I remember crying while taking the PSSA's because I could not understand one question on the test. Then I remember crying again because they made me retake them after I did poorly on the first test. I remember being forced to take a reading comprehension class in 11th grade. They were trying a new initiative to have peer buddies and it just so happen these buddies were some of my best friends from marching band who were in the "smart" classes. Talk about embarrassing. I remember sitting in class not paying attention thinking "why can't I concentrate, why can't I understand what i'm being taught, what is wrong with me?" I remember asking my guidance counselor if I could try taking a college prep course and she said I shouldn't waste my time because college wasn't in my future. Then she proceeded to encourage me to find a trade and go to vo-tech.
Somewhere during those four years I decided to live up to what my school had been telling me. I gave up, I stop trying and I decided I would go to vo-tech for culinary arts. I should have a disclaimer. A lot of very intelligent students decide they want to go to vo-tech for all the right reasons. But in my case it was away out for me. But I should mention I do love to cook and I learned a lot from my one year there and I made some great friendships! But the road that got me to vo-tech was not a positive one. Somewhere along my high school career my school decided for me who I would become and where I would end up. And as a teenager I listened to them. I let them lead me and advise me in a directions I wasn't happy with. But did I have any other option?
If it weren't for my parent's and other positive adults in my life I don't know where I would have ended up. I'm grateful I didn't have parents who valued a letter grade because they would have been greatly disappointed. I can vividly remember coming home with a report card that had a 1 A, in art of course, 2 c's, and a D in math...of course. My dad looked it over and said "lets go out and celebrate." I was so confused. He said all my teacher's said very nice things about me and I was working hard. This is a reason to celebrate! That has stuck with me all these years. And now as a parent I hope I will teach this to Cali.
After graduating, I went straight into the work force. I started working for the Lancaster-Lebanon IU 13 working with students with mental, physical and learning disabilities. This was such a humbling experience. Not only could I share my experiences with them but they taught me that having a disability doesn't have to define you. They motivated me so much I decided I was going to go to college! At the age of 23 I enrolled at Penn State York and was accepted! I remember coming home and my parents got me a dozen roses to celebrate. I was so excited. Before I entered college they wanted to do some testing on me to see how they could best help my learning style (Who knew such things existed). It were these set of tests that determined I suffered from test anxiety and attention deficit disorder. It all made sense to me. I was able to get extra time for tests and they would place me in a quiet room. I was amazed! I was no longer anxious about those who were finishing before me or how long I was taking. These changes help me have more confidence in myself and in my ability to learn. I ended up graduating in the Adult Honor Society with an associates degree in Liberal Arts.
Even after that feel good story, I still struggle with feeling inadequate to my peers. Since I have graduated I can't stop thinking I need to get my bachelors degree to make it really count. If I want a good job I have to go back to school. Going to school makes you more valuable and a better person. If I want to make more money I need to go back to school. Unfortunately some of this is true when it comes to the work force but it doesn't have to be true in my personal life.
With out a bachelors degree I am a people person who loves life. I can make conversation easily with strangers and I've been told I make people feel comfortable. I think I'm funny, but you may feel differently. I'm great at working on teams and learning quickly. I care about peoples needs and I love to help. These things ARE valuable regardless of our education or job. I can be a good person, valuable to society without a degree. This is what I value. This is what I plan to teach my children. If Cali wants to go to college, great! If Cali wants to go to vo-tech for cosmetology, awesome! If Cali wants to go into missions, sweet.... as long as it's in Lancaster :) I want her to do what ever makes her feel happy and confident. And I'm going to work hard at making sure she knows this even while working through the public school system.
I have so much to offer the world. I have so much to give. Hey being a people person might not pay great but I'm sure God will make me feel rich in other ways!
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