It's not that I'm not happy for those around me with babies or those who are expecting but it's more about the reminder that I may never have more children. And I'm going to continue to watch all my friends have more and more children as Chad and I wait and wonder. I know I have a handful of friends who probably feel very similar to me when it comes to feeling left out. There are many woman out there who can't have children for lots of different reasons. And I know how lucky I am to even have one and I don't take that lightly.
I'm teaching myself how to be happy for my friends even when it's hard. I'm learning very quickly, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. Meaning, many people around me are going to have children, even people who don't want them and I can't let that fester. I can't hold that against anyone. Everything that has happened in our lives is nobody's fault. I can't be mad about something that was out of my control.
Chad and I still have hope we will be able to have more children but i'm starting to realize something... We have to be ok with the idea that we may NOT have more children. It's hard to say but its a reality that we must deal with as a couple. We may be a one kid family forever and this is OK.
It's funny, I've always seen one kid families as odd (I don't mean to offend anyone) but now I realized sometimes it's out of that families control. Not everyone wants one kid but sometimes that's just how it happens. I tell Chad all the time. If Cali is our only child, well then we did good, because she's pretty awesome! I love her with all my heart and I pray that we can "give her another Camden."
<3
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