Posts

Showing posts from 2024

The weight of it all

Image
As someone who has been overweight most of her life, I consider myself an expert in fat girl trauma. I’ve spent years trying to relearn and rethink how I see my body. I’ve even gone as far as cutting out 80% of my stomach so I could be a “normal size.” Guess what? I’ve lost 50lbs, and I’m still not a standard size. Being a big girl never stopped me from trying to participate in regular school activities. I play soccer from 5th grade to 11th grade. I was in marching band for two years. I even attempted REC basketball for one season, which I hated! I was never the superstar on any team I played on. I was always at the back of the pack when running the mile in gym class. I was always the chubby friend with a pretty face in social settings. I slowly started understanding my role as the fat teammate, friend, and classmate. My body was not considered athletic or beautiful, so I was kept in my lane. You may participate, but you will never be the best. How could you be the best with a body lik...

Half way there

Image
The average age of death for woman in the United States is 81. That means I'm just about half way there. Kind of depressing but also inspiring. I have 45 more years to make a difference, learn new things and better myself. This blog is intended to follow up from my last blog in January. I mentioned I've been doing a lot of soul searching in my 36th year. Including figuring out what I want to do with my life, both with work and personally. I'm not going to pretend I figured it all out but there has been some progression!  If you're someone close to me or follow my social media feed you may have whiplash from my life choices. Heck I do! I used to feel incredibly insecure about my job changes, educational changes and any change that included Cali but I've overcome that. I've learned that I don't need everyone else's approval to feel good about a decision I made for my life. I've learned I'm a team with my husband and he is a great sounding board whe...

Putting the pieces together

Image
Self-discovery is a tireless journey of intricately piecing yourself together to figure out who you are, how you work and what makes you tick. And we all pray at the end their will be a beautiful picture formed and completed. The reality is, that probably will never happen. Truthfully a human will never be complete. We are flawed. We should be working hard to learn new things, challenging ourselves and improving the broken person we are. We're always going to be missing a piece...well lets be real, a few pieces. A helpful reminder that we are not perfect and will never be perfect so lets stop trying. Something I recently discovered about myself is a fear of failing. I would have never proclaimed myself as a perfectionist is the past but I hold some characteristics of one. As many of you know, my educational journey was lack luster and a bit demoralizing. I was used to failing in the literal terms. School was as place where I was labeled, put into a box and stuck for many years.  I ...