Being a good person is for the best

I never thought I was particularly good at anything. This isn’t a pity party I’m just being honest. To society I’m a pretty normal person who hasn’t excelled at any kind of sport, musical instrument, school subject or job. I recon most of us would be in this boat. We can’t all be super stars right? But from little on up we’re told we’re special and we have unique qualities that make us who we are. Although we might not be recognized for those unique qualities because it’s not what our society deems as important, I do believe we have the right to celebrate ourselves and our loved ones for those “special” characteristics and talents we all have with in us.

This has been on my mind a lot because Cali recently started participating in organized sports. And while I would like to think Cali is amazing at soccer and one day she may be a member of the Olympic Woman’s soccer team (which she may be, who knows) I have to remember that being an amazing athlete can only takes you so far in life.

Coaching 4, 5 & 6 years old was eye opening for me. Much too my surprise the are crazy sideline parents even at this age. If I’m being honest I felt myself falling into that category a few times. When you see your child score a goal, you hope the whole world saw it. You’re proud and start planning their future as a devoted soccer player with tons of trophy’s and medals hanging in their bedroom. But it’s at those moments I have to stop and consider what I’m going to say to Cali when she runs to me in excitement after her great success. Do I say “great job! YOU did great!” Or do I say “way to be a team player. Everyone passed the ball so well for you to be able to score that goal.”

Is scoring the goal more important or is working on a team more important? Well I think we all know what society would tell our children, which I find incredibly disappointing, especially when these children are most likely to grow up to be “average” adults but expecting the super star treatment.

As our season came to an end last week, I decided to give out awards to each one of our players. Don’t worry not participation awards but I thought long and hard about good qualities each player used during our season. Some of those awards were; Most determined, Best Team Player, Most improved and most dedicated. I wanted them know they did more than just score goals and win games, they worked hard. And because of that hard work they had a successful season.

I know all this may sound cliche but I think as parents it’s always a good reminder. I know it’s very easy to get caught up in making our child the best at something. But is being the best really that important. From what I’ve observed, being on the top can be very lonely. Being a rock star can bring temporary happiness. Being an amazing athlete can be incredibly rewarding when you’re young but what happens when you graduate and get older

I remember reading in the news a few years back about the academic- athlete scandal at North Carolina University. In short, professors were passing student athletes through their classes so they could continue playing for the college. Some of these students were still at an elementary reading level. The one professor who finally stepped up and brought light to the scandal was basically shunned by the school, received death threats and was called a liar. All in the name of “being the best.” How were the adults in these students’ lives preparing them for life after college? They failed these students, for what? A national championship? A banner hung at the school? And for what cost? A students chance to learn, work hard and to be honest.

We can no longer allow society to make moral calls for our children. Currently our society says be the best, be on top no matter what the cost. No matter whom you hurt, even if you need to lie. I’m here to tell you being the best is over rated. Being a great person with dignity and compassion will get you much farther in life.
I pray Cali will excel at something she loves but I also pray she will excel at being the best person she can possibly be, regardless of how popular it makes her.

What makes you who you are? What are your best qualities? What makes you special?

13 Reasons why

I've heard a lot of controversy over the new Netflix original series 13 Reasons Why, based off the book written by Jay Asher. I was very curious so of course I binged watched all 13 episodes like any true millennial would. After completing the series I thought long and hard over what I had just watched. It was so heavy and thought provoking, I needed time to digest.

The controversy of this book and now TV show is based around a girl who commits suicide and leaves behind 13 tapes giving the reasons why she did what she did. Some believe this is putting ideas into teenagers heads that shouldn't be there. That this show and book has glorified committing suicide. This situation has taken me back a few years to when MTV aired the first episode of Teen Mom. Everyone was freaking out, saying the show was encouraging girls to get pregnant at a young age and implying you could get on TV for being a Teen Mom. As I watched the show I remember thinking how important the show's message was. They depicted just how hard life is when children have children. They showed raw footage of heart break, family fights, financial problems and needing to drop out of school to name a few. These girls took the opportunity to share their hard stories in order to change someone else's life. Ironically, teen pregnancy has dropped since Teen Mom aired in 2009. You can read more about it here: http://time.com/825/does-16-and-pregnant-prevent-or-promote-teen-pregnancy/

With that being said, I understand the fears we as parents have with what we should allow our children to watch and read. We do everything in our power to protect them but the reality is they live in a big world and they will see upsetting and scary things. 13 Reason's why is a realistic depiction of what high school might look like for students who don't have a strong support system. And this is why I think this TV series would benefit parents and educators most. If you're not going to allow your child to watch it, that is fine but I encourage you as parents to watch it. It was gut wrenching at time but these are the students your kids are going to school with everyday. Who knows, maybe it's your kid.

One part that resonated with me was hearing several of the parents in the show saying "my kid would never do that, I know my kid." But, they didn't really know their kids at all. I feel like 13 Reasons why gave me insight in a teenagers mind, which is the only way we can begin to understand and relate to them.

Working as a youth pastor for several years, I heard scary things from my students. I couldn't believe the pressures they dealt with on a daily basis. From peers, parents, teachers, coaches and from themselves. We need to make sure we are doing everything in our power to support our children as they navigate through adolescences. Don't shy away from these tough conversations. Don't hide them from the scary stuff. Don't shelter them from the world. What I learned from the show, walk along side them. Teach them skills to handle tough situations. Talk with them about their feelings. Start an open communications policy at a young age. Provide for their emotional needs as much as their physical needs. And most of all, be present.

If you do decide to let your teenager watch this (in my opinion best for Juniors and Seniors), watch it with them. Ask them questions. Talk about it. Be a part of the solution. Adult involvement in a child's life is the most important aspect of their adolescence years. A parent has the most influential and important job for a child's future. Don't let someone else do your job, step up and give them your time and attention.

Suicide
Sexual Assault
Rape
Bullying
Loneliness
Drugs
Alcohol are all real problems for teenagers. Don't ignore the signs.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255