In societies eyes

My mind has been spinning from the events of this weekend. I have experienced two deaths, one of an acquaintance and the other a famous basketball star. While neither are significant losses to my personal life, they have caused me to stop and reflect.

On Friday while enjoying my weekly lunch with my dad, we were interrupted by loud emergency sirens. Since our own experiences with ambulances and firemen, it's always regular practice for us to check the local live incident report to see what is going on. We were not far from where my dad lived so he was concerned it could have been one of his neighbors. Sure enough the report took us right to my parent's neighborhood. We quickly finished our meals and went back to see what was happening. Apparently overnight, a neighbor of my parents passed in her sleep.

This wasn't just "a neighbor" it was Sally. Sally was rough around the edges, loud, outspoken but kindhearted at the same time. As regular visitors of the neighborhood we had encountered Sally on many occasions. She sat perched on her stoop everyday smoking a cigarette, keeping a watchful eye on her little village. She was a fierce protector of what she loved. From what I knew of Sally, she lived a rough life, never married and had one son. She lived a simple life but was happy. Her small one bedroom apartment was everything she needed. And she took great pride in it.

Every time we would get out of the car, she was quick to call out to us and say Hello. She always went out of her way to tell Cali how beautiful she was and she loved Izzy, our dog. She would regularly remind us how lucky we were to have such great parents, Danny and Sharon. My dad said every time he or my mom would walk outside she would NEVER miss the opportunity to express her love to them, "Love you Danny, Love you Sharon." If this tiny village had a mayor, it sure would have been Sally.

In the eyes of society, Sally offered very little to the world. She had little resources, she couldn't work or even drive. But in her little community she meant the world to so many. No matter how small or alone you feel, someone will always miss you when you're gone. You might not be famous or rich but I promise, you are important to someone.

Now that Sally is gone I wished I would have told her how much I appreciated her daily greetings and kind words. I wonder if she knew how important she was? This has reminded me how significant it is to express your feelings to others while they're still here. It might feel awkward or out of place for you but that could be the last words a person hears. Everyone should know how important they are to you.

Rest in peace Sally

As it should be.

As we approach the 6 year anniversary of Camden's death, I have been spending a lot of time in reflection. We have spent the past several years focused on growing our family and ultimately becoming a family of 4 again as it was always intended. First we attempted IVF. With no success adoption was the next plan but when that proved to be a dead end, we thought Foster Care would be a great way to welcome a child into our family, even if it were only temporary. We were given the chance right before Christmas. There was another child in our home for the first time in 6 years! I wish I could tell you an amazing redemption story about how this child was the missing link in our family but I can't. Those were some of the hardest days and we quickly realized this wasn't going to work out.

I know we don't owe anyone an explanation of our family decisions but sometimes this feels like the best way to get the word out. Together, we have decided not to purse growing our family any longer. We realized through the most recent events that we love and appreciate our small little family as it is. My worries of Cali being an only sibling have subsided and I now see what a gift it is that Cali has two loving parents who are there for her all the time. She has been through a lot in 8 years, including a very traumatic event. Perhaps our focus needs to be on her and her only.

I try not live my life with regrets, so I will not dwell on the fact that we invested so much time, money and energy into something that never panned out. We appreciate all the love and support each and everyone of you have given us. It will never go unnoticed. If anything we have learned through this journey that we have a solid support system. We have had people make us meals, supported us financially, prayed for us, loved on Cali and walked along side of us. I have had many tearful nights but I knew I was never alone.

We have decided to share this with you for a few reasons. First, We can avoid answering the same questions over and over again from our friends and family. Many of you saw us with our foster daughter and wonder where she is. She is in a new placement with a great seasoned foster family. Second, please don't feel sad for us. I think all the closed doors was God trying to tell us something but we refused to listen. In the end we had to let go of the control and when we did we had a huge weight lifted off our shoulders. I told Chad recently I feel so at peace. This is something I haven't experience in years. As we have started packing away all the baby things in our house, I shed no tears. It feels right.

We're very optimistic about the future and where things are going. Cali is doing great! She is half way through 3rd grade, loving cheer and spending time with friends and cousins who are like brothers and sisters to her. Chad is dispatch manager at BRT, INC and enjoying his hobby of woodworking. I started a professional organizing business last year and I'm SO excited about where it's headed. We have great friends, a loving church and a supportive family. What more could we ask for?