A little girl with a big heart

Something bizarre and usual took place today. While riding home on the bus, Cali got teary and cried because she was missing Camden. Her dear friend who sits with on the bus was talking about her baby brother and I guess this sparked some unresolved emotions that were brought back to the surface for Cali. Through this entire journey Chad and I have walked, so has Cali. She walk alongside us as we grieved, started Camden's Run, went through IVF and now the adoption process. She has been amazingly strong through it all but as she has gotten older she has been able to articulate her feelings more to us. Sometimes it's her simple statements that make the biggest impact in our day.

"Can we look through Camden's picture book?"
"Remember when I used to help you give Camden's baths?"
"I want Camden back."
"I want a baby now."
"When I grow up who will be my brother and sister?"
"It's not fair."

Really we don't need to say much more than that. All those questions and statements are completely validated. Some days I just want to kick and scream until someone gives me a baby. But obviously that won't work. I've actually learned a lot watching Cali grieve. Sometimes kids get is so right. Cry when it feels right. Ask questions when you have them. Work towards what you want but understand it might not happen over night.

Now, our journey to bring another child into this family has been going on for 3 years. In the span of a lifetime it seems so small but in the mind of a child it seems like eternity. Cali has been patiently waiting her turn to be a sister again and I pray to Jesus it will be soon. I wish I could make this easier on her but I understand I can't fix everything. I'm grateful she has cousins who are like brothers and sisters to her. I'm happy she has many friends who she spends lots of time with. This make things easier. It doesn't take the pain away but it certainly eases it.

Please pray for Cali love as you navigates this journey with us. Pray we can have the right words to help her understand and that a baby is in our near future <3

Life is but a dream

Life is but a dream

Some days it feels like a bad dream,
Other days it feels just as it seems,
We keep doing what we know best,
Keeping our head above water with only a life vest.
Some days the tide is calm and still, relaxing,
Other days the tide is rough and harsh, taxing.
We fear the unknown which lurks below us,
But we still jump in, curious of what waits for us.
Some days the water is warm and inviting, summery,
Other days the water is cold and displeasing, blustery.
How can something so beautiful promise both pleasure and gloom?
Why can’t the ocean be like the picture on the wall, the ocean we presume?
We get so jealous of that ocean, the one on the wall,
Because we know it’s but a dream to us all.
Life isn’t full of just sunsets and ocean tunes,
It ebbs and flows with the sun and the moon.
It rises and it falls because the tide is never the same,
But don’t let this diminish your fire and flame.
It’s worth the risk to find out what lurks below,
You never know if it’s an opportunity to grow.
God gave us life to live, take chances,
Don’t wish for the picture on the wall, enhance it.
Make your own masterpiece that is from the heart and real,
What’s normal anyways? You decide how your life should feel.
Chose to feel happy, sad and everywhere in between,
because real life should be and deserves to be seen.


Love,
Julie