Fat Shaming

fat sham·ing
noun
1.the action or practice of humiliating someone judged to be fat or overweight by making mocking or critical comments about their size.

It's come to my attention that our society has a SERIOUS problem with fat shaming (See definition above). It sounds like such a horrible word and it is! You would think in a country when there are more over weight adults than not, we would know how to look past someones size. Here are some fun statistics for you:

More than two-thirds (68.8 percent) of adults are considered to be overweight or obese. More than one-third (35.7 percent) of adults are considered to be obese. More than 1 in 20 (6.3 percent) have extreme obesity. Almost 3 in 4 men (74 percent) are considered to be overweight or obese. (https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/health-statistics/Pages/overweight-obesity-statistics.aspx)

Now, I'm not condoning living an unhealthy life style. Actually this has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with the little comments I hear...from people I'm pretty sure don't even know what they're saying is "fat shaming." You can even fat shame yourself or someone you love and not even know it!

Examples of fat shaming:
Wow, Lady Gaga has a belly.

I'm being naughty today and eating French Fries.

Do you know how many calories are in that?

You have a beautiful face. (As an over weight person, this is the worst)

I'm not going to eat today since I ate so bad yesterday.

Seconds?

Jesus, what happened to Kelly Clarkson? Did she eat all her backup singers?

A&F: "Salon in 2006 saying he doesn’t want “fat” or “not so cool” kids wearing his company’s clothes."

"Dear Obese PhD students. If you don't have the willpower to stop eating carbs, then you won't have the willpower to do a dissertation." Geoffrey Miller

I could go on and on but you get my drift. Fat shaming is around us. And as a mother of a 6 year old girl I can't help but hear all the little comments. Especially when she starts to repeat the things she hears. One of Cali's friends told her mommy she was happy her mom packs her healthy food so she can be skinny. She is 6! Cali informs me of food that is healthy and food that is bad for her. She is 6! I bought Cali a "curvy barbie" for Christmas hoping this would help her see a more realistic body figure to play with, instead she doesn't want to play with her because none of her regular barbie clothes fit her. When she watches kids movies her favorite characters are the "pretty ones." Not the smart ones or the nice ones, the pretty ones. She is 6!

If I seem upset, I am! I need my daughter to grow up in a society that loves her for her, not her size. I don't feel like I grew up in a society like this. I've been overweight my entire life and I have struggled with yo yo dieting, comparing myself to others, desperate to get the attention of a boy. I'm still working through these feelings today and I'm trying with all my might not to let this rub off on my daughter. I want her to know she is worthy of love despite her size. God has given me the most wonder gift of all. A man who loves me for ME. A man that tells me I'm sexy as a curvy woman. A man who tells me i'm beautiful with out being prompted. This has helped me so much but until I can believe what he says I won't be cured of fat shaming myself.

This is my plea to all of you. Please stop describing people by their size. Examples: The chunky one, The heavy one, Thick, Fat. Please stop judging celebrities out loud in front of children. Please stop obsessing over the food you eat out loud in front of my child. Please stop obsessing over what I eat. Please stop obsessing over your weight. You're beautiful! Be healthy, happy and worthy! Your size has little to do with who you are. Let's change the tone in society and help all children boys and girls know they are beautiful and handsome regardless of their size. Let's allow them to be children as long as possible. Let them eat cupcakes at birthday parties, have candy at Halloween, eat pizza because it's delicious and help them stay active because physical activity is so important, not for their size but for their minds.

Be a positive example to your child, grandchild, niece, nephew and everyone in between.

I hate waiting...but if it's waiting for you, I'll wait.

I feel like I've spent the last three years waiting. Waiting for the pain to stop. Waiting for life to feel normal again. Waiting to become pregnant again. Waiting to find the right job. I've done a lot of waiting. And the ultimate goal of waiting is to no longer have to wait. That what ever you're waiting for will eventually be obtainable.

Well since the day Camden died we have been waiting for our family to grow again. It has been the most painful wait of my life. Painful mostly because I had it, then I lost it. I had the ability to have children naturally and I did. But that quickly changed and I've had this bizarre experience of going from fertile to infertile. You go through the whole "you don't know what you have until it's gone." Of course we had no way to know what was going to happen and that we would even be trying for more but life happened and now we wait. And we're still waiting. Although we have given up our dreams of having a biological child, we are now waiting for our adoptive child. Which is a very different kind of wait, completely out of our control.

I've never been a big fan of over used religious cliches, such as:
It's all in God's timing.
Just have faith in God's plan.
When one door closes God will open another.
If it's meant to be it will happen.

It's not that I don't believe these to be true, it's that no one is acknowledging how hard it is to wait. That somehow if you say one of those cliches it will make the process easier. This isn't like we're waiting for our Amazon Prime box to arrive on our door step... this is waiting for a CHILD. While everyone around you is getting pregnant, giving birth and having their 2nd, 3rd & 4th child, you're wondering when is it my turn?

The one piece of advice I received from a very wise friend was, even in the waiting, don't forget about being in the now. Don't forget about the beautiful child you do have and don't miss out on her life waiting for another.

This was important for me to hear. Sometimes I get so obsessed with what I want, I loose track of other important things in my life. Like Cali, my marriage and my friendships. Life doesn't have to stop in the waiting. I've notice when it does, that is when waiting it the worst. So painstakingly slow, unbearable and right in front of you all the time.

All I know is, I hate waiting. I'm impatient, controlling and doubtful. But I also know, Chad and I feel strongly God called us to adoption for a reason. We feel this is where he wants us. And I do believe a child is in our future, I just don't know when.

To our future child: I hate waiting...but if it's waiting for you. I'll wait.