Sharing is Daring

Anyone who has known me for longer then 5 minutes knows that I have some irrational fears of death. For instance, I have never like thunder storms, more specifically tornado's. The minute we have a tornado warning I scramble my belongings together and head for the basement. I've always had a fear of dying in a Tornado. I've also had a fear of getting cancer. Whenever I found a weird bump on my body or randomly got sick, I was convinced it was cancer. I know, it sounds a little crazy, and I still can't believe I'm sharing this with the whole world. But I want you to know at one point in my life I spent more time fearing death then actually living my life. You would think after experiencing such an incredible loss in my life I would fear death ever more but the exact opposite has happened to me. Shortly after Camden's passing my family and I took a spontaneous trip to Florida. Prior to Camden dying I would have been a nervous wreck knowing I had to fly on a plan...

Many of my friends have been wondering how Chad and I are handling being around other babies since Camden's passing. Well, as you can imagine, Chad and I are very different. Right now Chad loves to hold other children but me on the other hand, I struggle with it. I continue to be surrounded by other babies and pregnant woman. This is something that I have had to work through and I continue to work through. It's not that I'm not happy for those around me with babies or those who are expecting but it's more about the reminder that I may never have more children. And I'm going to continue to watch all my friends have more and more children as Chad and I wait and wonder. I know I have a handful of friends who probably feel very similar to me when it comes to feeling left out. There are many woman out there who can't have children for lots of different reasons. And I know how lucky I am to even have one and I don't take that lightly. I'm teaching myself h...