Reflections on year 35

You know how every adult with a social media platform bids farewell to a previous year and looks forward to the year ahead? It typically reads, "I'm not going to miss this last year; here's to 20XX being the best year yet!" Or "Year 34 was a rough one, here hoping year 35 brings all the best!" 

We are always searching for positive transformations and personal growth. Well, I can confidently say year 35 has been just that! With 36 closely knocking on the door, I've taken some time to reflect on why this year has been such a memorable one. 

Adulthood feels like it began when I was 20. The year I got married to Chad. This means we are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary on May 16th. CRAZY. We have been through so much together. Chad has walked hand in hand through my best and my worst seasons. He has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. He has seen me succeed with flying colors and fail miserably. He has quietly watched me make good and not-so-good decisions, loving me regardless. He has been my biggest cheerleader and stepped in as the most important man in my life, closely followed by my Dad. 

Our marriage is far from perfect, but reflecting on the past 15 years, I see what God had planned from the beginning. He is the ying to my yang, the gift that keeps giving, and I honestly couldn't imagine a better fit for my over-the-top, big personality. The statistics have been against us getting married at 20, but we are going strong, and for that, I am grateful. 

This year, I was able to be the stable one in the relationship concerning our careers. I have been working part-time since we got married to stay home with Cali, meaning Chad was the sole provider for the family. After taking on a highly stressful and time-consuming job six months in, he was done. We dreamed together about what Chad could do next. He said I want to buy my own truck and work for myself. Because I now work full-time and provide insurance for the family, It allowed Chad to pursue his dreams of being an owner-operator. It was a true gift for me to see Chad take a risk, something not very characteristic of my husband. Praise Jesus, it's been fantastic for him!

Another significant part of the past year was my health journey. I remained quiet about it in the beginning to keep my focus. But as I reached goals, it was hard to keep this extrovert quiet. I've lost 75 lbs through blood, sweat, and tears. I've found a love in moving my body I've never had before. After 34 years of trying and failing at weight loss, I finally found what worked and stuck with it. It was finally time, and I'm not sure what changed, but it has been incredibly life-giving! 

Any transformation typically brings self-reflection, which I've done a lot this year. Through hours of prayer, journalling, and conversation, I realized what I am truly gifted at. I've secretly known it all along, but this year it's become evident. And the more I thought about it, I didn't see these gifts used to the best of my ability in my current job. In fact, for the past 10 years, I have held administrative roles, which I can do, but I realized I find little joy in. 

What am I gifted at?

I am gifted at connection, relating to others, and bringing people together.

I am gifted at getting people excited about things I'm excited about.

I am gifted at bringing life and joy to mundane things.

I am gifted at coordinating events and providing experiences. 

I am gifted at getting the job done well and efficiently/ 

I am not gifted at Excel :) 

I am not gifted in spelling and grammar (as seen in this blog).

I am not gifted at small details. 

I prefer to avoid long, drawn-out meetings. 

These are all things I figured out about myself 35 years into life. Figuring this out moved me to make a tough but needed decision. I am leaving my job at the Brethren in Christ as an administrative coordinator and moving into a new role as Director of Development for a small nonprofit. Yesterday, I heard a missionary speak about a transition she was making, and she said something I really resonated with. She said, "I don't want to leave, but I need to go." This is precisely how I feel! I love all of my co-workers so much, and I love working for a denomination that essentially raised me. But I feel God calling me to use my gifts differently to further his kingdom. I will work for a community hub providing support to under-resourced inner-city families. I'm excited to use my "wooing" skills to raise funds for afterschool programs, single mom groups, and a food bank. I will get to plan community events and fundraisers to get people and businesses excited about supporting their community. 

This year has been a year of transition! But in a good way. I feel I'm coming into who God always intended me to be. Every job, experience, and disappointment has led me to today. I feel strong, confident, and worthy of who I am. I'm excited to see how God will use me in this next chapter of life.

Here is hoping year 36 is as powerful and life-giving as 35 has been!

2008

2023

Let's hear it for the average kid

Having a 12-year-old daughter, I'm in the thick of sports tryouts, musical auditions, and school invitationals. We are getting the whole experience of working hard and dealing with disappointment. I firmly believe in growing through life experiences such as not making the team, bombing a test, or forgetting your line in an audition. These experiences build character and prepare our kiddos for a lifetime of extreme excitement and extreme disappointment. All of which we, as adults, have experienced. 

But something that doesn't sit well with me as a parent is the lack of space in sports, music, art programs, and school activities for the "average kid." This would include my daughter, the kid down the street, the boy sitting in the pew in front of us at church, and probably your kid. 

What does an average kid look like? 

It's a kid who...

• Drags their feet getting to school in the morning, but when there, are focused, trying their best, and respectful to staff.
• Participates in rec sports to stay active and be a part of a team, but doesn't score the goals. 
• Sometimes talks back to their parents, but do their chores, help around the house, and love their family.
• Practices at something they love (singing, an instrument, a sport, drawing) to get better but will never be the best. 
• Holds the door open for the person behind them, shovels the elderly neighbor's driveway, and empathizes with those around them. 
• They spend too much time on their phones, electronics, and TV, but they are the first to ask for a family game night or hang out with friends. 
• They don't spend 6 days a week practicing a sport, studying, or singing on a stage so they can continue to be an average kid. 

In this context, I don't want the word "average" to be seen as unfavorable. In fact, I hope it can be celebrated. You won't read about my daughter in the newspaper for crushing a record or see her in the news for winning a prestigious award. But when you see her being nice to someone or serving her community, you could give her a little nod. Or the kid who mows the neighbor's law just because, or asks the unpopular kid at lunch to sit with him, send him a note letting him know he is seen. 

Our society has become obsessed with being the best, standing above the rest, and being 1 in a million. Let's be honest. The odds of our kid becoming a superstar in anything is very slim. There are 7 billion people on this Earth. Let the numbers speak for themselves. They're some incredibly talented kids out there. We see them and hear about them all the time. We celebrate along with them in their accomplishments! Let's do the same for kids whose talents look different or aren't the status quo. 

I saw a news release today celebrating a bowling team winning a state championship. How awesome and not something we hear a lot about. Many of you reading this are "average adults" who were probably once "average kids." Let's not give too much attention to being the best at something, rather let's help out kiddos be their best selves instead. I'm 35 and just discovered who I am, what I love to do, and what I'm good at. None of which I knew at 12 years old or would have celebrated. 

My one request to those reading this...give this generation a chance to be kids, let go of the pressure, and simply be. 

Sincerely the average mom of an average kid.