As Camden's death date comes and goes, I've realized many of the people in our life never had the opportunity to meet Camden or knew we had a son. That's hard to think about. It's been five years since we last held Camden in our arms. A lot can happen in five years. We have changed jobs, started attending a new church, moved into a new house, gone through two failed adoptions, 4 failed rounds of IVF and made a boat load of new friends. I don't understand how five years ago can feel like decades ago but at the same time seem like just yesterday. I don't understand how with one image of him or a memory of our time together can bring back the tears so quickly.
I can vividly remember an older woman who attended our church at the time. called me after Camden had died. She shared with me her own loss of a child nearly 80 years ago. The conversation ended as quickly as it started as she didn't want to start crying. But she said the pain will never go away and the tears are always there. Boy was she right!
Cali has grown so much since she has last seen her brother. She seems to understand more and more each day and it seems like she is just starting the mourning stage. A few weeks ago she came in to the living room crying and said she missed having a brother. This is the first time she has ever brought it up on her own. She said she was jealous of all her friends who have siblings. She then asked if we could go down stairs and look through Camden's cedar chest which houses every last memory we have of him. The hundreds of cards we received, the memorial box the hospital gave to us, the guest book from his funeral, the quilt my sister made of all his cute clothes and all his favorite toys. All three of us sat together and just cried. It was incredibly healing and a moment I will never forget.
February 25th, 2014 will go down as the worst day of our lives. We will never forget the events that occurred that day. That day will haunt us forever. But we will also remember the 6 beautiful months we did have with Camden. He was a wonderful light in our lives. We miss him dearly but we do believe he is in heaven and we will see him again. We cannot wait for that day!
Thank you to everyone who has been a support to us over the last 5 years. This journey has been so hard but your hugs and prayers have made this just a little bit easier.
